Have you ever stopped to think about how the words that you utter affect your whole life?

Words are powerful and once spoken, remain ‘out there’ and cannot be taken back. Our vocabulary, the words we choose in our conversations and also our own self talk – that voice inside our head, can profoundly affect our moods, our expectations, our relationships, our successes.

Have you ever stopped and listened to yourself? Are your words positive, realistic and uplifting? Do they express your own values and truths?

Or are they bathed in negativity, self doubt and a lack of self love and respect? Do they reflect automatic learned responses that are based on values that are not your own?

Most likely it will be somewhere in between and it can be very informative and interesting to just stop and listen.

Our self effacing natures can be endearing as we are not likely to sound ‘up ourselves’ but sometimes we can take our words too far and end up putting ourselves down and believing the things we say.

For example, how many times do the words ‘I can’t’ come out? At first we might just be being modest or humble, not wanting to set ourselves apart by being smart or clever or talented, so we understate our abilities. ‘Oh I can’t ride a bike very well. I’m not very smart or good as such and such’.

Or do you often started sentences with ‘the problem is’?

When we start it can be harmless, but it is easy to begin believing it and doubting our own abilities can lead us to not doing something at all.

When we don’t achieve as well as we would like, do the words – mistake and failure come tumbling out - and how do we feel then? Others pick up on our language and start agreeing with us and soon we start living failure and mistakes.

How much difference would it make if we spoke more like this. ‘Ok this didn’t work out so well. Never mind I’ve learnt a lot and I can give it another try and I’m sure I will do better.’

This then allows us the freedom to start achieving and excelling and when we do if we say ‘I did well, I’m good at that’, then we encourage ourselves to keep going and do even better. Others catch on and start believing this about us too and doors start to open.

By examining our own vocabulary and simply replacing the negative with more uplifting language, we can turn our moods, expectations and achievements around. ‘Failure’ becomes ‘opportunity to learn and try again’.

Negative thinking and downward spirals become positive uplifting moods that inspire ourselves and others. Small changes of language can bring about big changes in our lives.

You can do it. Why not give it a go today?

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” Mark Twain

“Like the bobo doll is weighted to enable it to bounce back up, understanding my ‘why’ is what weighted me and enabled me to rise after every fall. I’m not saying it was easy, but it gave me strength to keep going.” Daniel Flynn (Co-founder, Thankyou TM – from his book ‘You have the power to change stuff – Chapter One’

“When you discover your Why? it opens the doors to also discover your Who?, What? and How?. Who am I? What am I meant to do in this world? And How am I going to go about it?. “ Merelyn Carter


We wander around in life searching for our place – how do we fit in, what are we supposed to do with our lives, what is the point of our existence – ultimately we ask ‘Why are we here?’.

Even when we get some sense of the bigger picture - why we are here, what life is all about, how some things work in the universe, we can falter on the day to day purpose. Finding our Why? to all facets of life, both big and small, propels us forward to really living. Living with purpose, having the courage to face the difficulties, seeing the sense in the circumstances of our lives, finding meaning in the darkest times, rising above the hopelessness and greed that permeate so many of the decisions being made in the world. Knowing What’s your Why? is a key to living life in abundance.

‘They key to abundance is meeting limited circumstances with unlimited thoughts.” Marianne Williamson

We need to lose our victim mentality.
Being a victim gives us an excuse to procrastinate and avoid finding our purpose.
Being a victim allows us to blame others for our misery and not take responsibility for our own happiness.
Being a victim stops us from finding our Why?

I can honestly say I have found true, deep and lasting Peace, Joy and Love.

That’s a pretty big call, but it is true.

My life experiences and situations have shown me that knowing true Peace, Joy and Love is utterly a matter of perspective. It’s about how you view the situations that you are in, owning your own decisions to get you to that place and seeing the bigger picture. Does this mean I never feel sad? Does it mean I haven’t known loneliness or never feel alone now? Does it mean that I am happy, ‘together’, sailing through life with ease – all the time? No.

Do I ever get frustrated, agitated, angry? Yes. Do I have to face my fears? Yes. Do I get tired of the stupidity that is so inherent in human nature? Yes.

Do I have a firm belief to bring me back to moving forward? Yes. It is knowing ‘What’s My Why?’

It is about having an inner belief system that supports the Peace, Joy and Love. It’s about knowing strategies to help us live through and rise above the hard times, gaining perspective as to the bigger purpose of our lives.

On May 6th, 2017 David and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. Something we both feel pretty proud of, especially knowing that many of our friends haven’t made this marital milestone, and knowing that we shouldn’t take our relationship for granted, but continue to work at it.

When David and I married, we loved each other intensely, and the intensity of our shared love didn’t just flow between us, but also out into the universe, surrounding those close to us in its light and drawing strangers in to experience a glimpse of true joy. Sounds idealistic doesn’t it? - romantic love can lead us to spout all sorts of amazing things, the big questions are ‘do we really believe them?’ and ‘can we live up to them?’

This intense love may have first started with a feeling, but to sustain the commitment to an intended long term relationship that marriage signals, it no doubt needs to also be a choice. When the feelings come and go, the choice remains.

As this choice is made each day, the ramifications spread out into the universe and we are all strengthened and uplifted. In this strengthening and uplifting, we are reminded that we all share in the one cosmic dance and that love affects all of life for the better and that we are all one.

Marriage, like life, is a dance. If we are successful at it, it is a feeling and a choice, it is giving and receiving, a blessing to the world, a dance in communion with life itself.

As the years bring joy and hope, sadness and despair, health and sickness, beauty and aging, turmoil and peace – the dance goes on.

There have been many times, when David and I have stood on each other’s foot. And it hurt! There have been other times when we have carried the other on our own feet, supported them and helped them stand, and it was good.

There have been yet other times when the business of life has caused us to live in the choice of the relationship and hope that the feeling will come back. Fortunately for us, so far, it has. It definitely toggles between feeling and choice most of the time, but our underlying connection to each other keeps bringing us back to our commitment. Thankfully.

As we watch and often support other friends and family in their relationships, we are constantly given the opportunity to re-examine our own. Sometimes we are happy with what we re-discover, other times, we are challenged to our core and we have a decision to make again – choice or feeling?

We wrote a song on our Better Day album called Love Makes the World Go ‘Round. We’d had a huge argument and a deadline to get the song finished was upon us. Feelings were running high and not in a favourable direction and as we sat in the music room together, tired, stressed, and a bit resentful of each other, we wrote a song to re-affirm our decision that love is a choice, not just a feeling. It was a hard won song, but looking back it now, the writing of that song epitomises our every day, ongoing choice to love each other. It sets aside the romantic feeling for a time and concentrates on the decision to our commitment.

I am so grateful that I have a partner who shares the same commitment to the relationship as me. I hope it lasts for the rest of our lives, but I am acutely aware that the pressures of living may overcome us to the point where the choice may change. I’m realistic, but I am also a glass three quarters full person, and I trust that we can keep hanging it together at least another 20, 30 or 40 years! Thanks David – you are a great dance partner!


LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ‘ROUND
Written by Merelyn Carter & David Carter

Love, love, love makes the world go ‘round
It’s the song in our hearts, it’s the sweetest sound
Love, love, love lifts us up when we’re down
Love makes the world go ‘round

It’s a romantic notion that love would cross an ocean
Just to see us through
It’s more than just a feeling, it’s something you believe in
It’s something you choose Yeah

Love, love, love makes the world go ‘round
It’s the song in our hearts,
it’s the sweetest sound
Love, love, love lifts us up when we’re down
Love makes the world go ‘round

It’s not based on fiction, it ain’t an addiction
Here’s the simple truth
There’s freedom in forgiveness, change in gratitude
And the love you give will all come back to you

Love, love, love makes the world go ‘round
It’s the song in our hearts, it’s the sweetest sound
Love, love, love lifts us up when we’re down
Love makes the world go ‘round

The world keeps on spinning, there’ll be losers and winners
Sunshine and rain
But when we’re gone, it’s love that carries on
It’s a never ending circle turning night into day

Love, love, love makes the world go ‘round
It’s the song in our hearts, it’s the sweetest sound
Love, love, love turns us upside down
Love makes the world go ‘round