THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE
What is it that happens when we do or give something we think is special to the ones we love, only to find it seemingly unappreciated. We feel disappointed and may lash out saying how ungrateful the other person is. We may feel inadequate, unappreciated, misunderstood and even unloved. The other person probably also feels these things and responds accordingly. The whole situation ends up in chaos.
It may be a material gift, or something you’ve done to be helpful or nice. It may be a comment that was intended to uplift but instead it all goes horribly wrong.
Sound familiar? So what’s really going on?
This is something that my partner and I have taken years to comprehend and work through. Sometimes we still get it wrong. Being consistent with some generic male traits my partner often sees that I need help with something, so he immediately ‘comes to my rescue’, by doing something he thinks will fix the situation. Although his intentions are well meaning often the actions he chooses are not actually what I really need and I get mad, upset or disappointed. He then feels rejected and he also gets upset. We both feel misunderstood. Why couldn’t he see what I needed instead of butting in and taking over? He asks ‘why doesn’t she want my help?’, and he concludes ‘she doesn’t need or appreciate me’ and he feels unloved.
Intentions are good on both sides and what really needs to happen is us discovering HOW the other would like to be helped. What gift would THEY like? Rather than giving or acting in a way we ourselves would like. We will get a lot further by finding out how to give to them in their language of love.
It can be a hard lesson to learn and master but the rewards will be well worth it.
The first and best place to start understanding the other person’s language of love better, is simply to ask. ‘What would YOU like?’
Merelyn Carter - Be HappyExcerpt From Merelyn's Inspire Book
Merelyn’s writing is supported in part by the sale of her books. Autobiography - ‘The Deepest Part of Me’. ‘Inspire’ – inspirational reflections for your life’s journey. ‘Stories behind the Songs’ and her first children’s picture book ‘To The Moon and Back - Grandma’s Rocket Ship Adventure’. To find out more about her work and to support her through the purchase of her writings and music, please go to www.carterandcarter.com.au